What's really going on?

It has taken me more than a quarter of a century to figure this one out. Now that I have, I want to tell everyone who doesn’t already know. Brace yourself! You may be in for a surprise!

If I were to write a doctoral thesis against the Catholic Church, I would start by…first, I would decide whether to write it as a personal experience of mine or as someone else’s hypothetical experience, say of Susie or of Jake. I would then decide on a thesis statement such as: People have left the Catholic Church because… Then, I would decide on a plan of steps and schedules for experiencing, learning, and writing.

If I were to write a doctoral dissertation against the Catholic Church, it would go something like this... (Click on title to read more.)

I have talked to many Christians, both Catholic and Protestant; and I have learned that more than half of the people at the Protestant services are former Catholics. The majority from the other half are descendents of former Catholics. Since Jesus founded the Church 2000 years ago, the Church was one unit; there was only one group of Christians—the Catholics. The first formal group to leave the Church was as recent as 500 years ago. This group had some complaints regarding certain behavior and misbehavior. Priests whose lifestyles were not reflective of a true Christian were cause for valid complaints. Another complaint had to do with indulgences…Pope Leo X offered a plenary indulgence to Christians who would donate money for the renovation of the Vatican. Many priests had mistresses and openly disobeyed their vows and basically lived in sin. It was suspected therefore that the money sent to the Vatican wasn’t used for the noble cause to renovate. Obviously, such complaints led to legitimate protesting—hence the name Protestant. Martin Luther (who I think was from Germany) had a very valid point of contention, a point with which I agree.

Having said that, this doctoral thesis is not intended to focus on the Protestants, per say; this thesis will focus on real protesting—protesting the Catholic Church. Ah, what’s up with the Catholics? What’s really going on?

When we’re a few days old, our parents take us to get baptized. I have always thought of it as just some boring ceremony that prolongs the usual Sunday obligation of sixty minutes by an additional fifteen.

Then there’s Confirmation at about nine years old. Again, I’ve always thought of this one as just another boring ceremony, also serving only to prolong an already long Sunday obligation.

You see, I had been one of those Catholics too “brainwashed” or too lazy, indifferent, and uninterested in the subject to actually leave the Catholic Church.

Like most people, I didn’t feel anything special from any of these “ceremonies” but a bit of stage fright that an actress might experience. Furthermore, I didn’t feel anything special from any of these “Sacraments” thereafter.

When I received my First Holy Communion, I did what I was told, and I “believed” what I was told I must. I was taught that the wafer turns into the body, blood, soul, and divinity of Jesus. (The Priest was the only one able to make this happen, because he had previously fulfilled the requirements and went through a “ceremony” called Holy Orders.) When I was asked if I believed it, I said “Yes” because I knew that was the answer they were looking for. Thus, I would not be excluded from the group of kids who also knew to respond with the right answer as such.

Well, for more than a quarter of a century, I allowed this “brainwashing” to convince me to “believe” because so many others seem to believe; but really it was as though I had been eating a tasteless wafer.

I never thought of myself as a brilliant person, but I was smart enough to know what I was experiencing or more precisely what I was not experiencing. For more than a quarter of a century, I hypocritically walked-up each Sunday to receive Holy Communion; I acted like I believed because I had convinced myself; but as I recall, it seems that I subconsciously thought “Yeah, yeah, whatever you say!”

While walking back to my pew, my only focus was:  “I wonder if some cute boy is looking at me; I hope my hair is perfect; and I hope my clothes look “cool” in case a cutie actually is looking at me.”

When I got married, I spent a lot of money and went through the usual ceremony that most people enjoy. We get dressed-up and go through the motions after an elaborate rehearsal. We pray, eat, dance, and usually get inebriated. Then after five-plus years, we usually get a divorce and then an annulment if possible.

One never leaves the Catholic Church for intellectual reasons. Well, I guess that could be argued, if the one leaving is merely interested in making an intellectual statement as to why one is leaving! If one is extremely interested in one’s reason for leaving, one will write a thesis. However, a thesis is only as good as the student’s level of interest. In other words, the keener one’s knowledge on the subject, the more profoundly one’s thesis can determine the degree to which the student understands.

If Susie (the student) “gives it her all” with regard to intellect, passion, and will, and if Susie truly wants to prepare an adequate argument against something, it is wise that she understand the subject she’s prosecuting, if you will. As such, if she’s quick, she will soon realize why nobody has written such a thesis. She will soon realize the difficulty of understanding the subject’s enormity. She will soon realize there’s nobody out there who will join her for such a difficult challenge. She will soon realize nobody has such will power. She will soon realize her tenacity will reach for God’s help so as to grasp the complexity, as she realizes nobody is willing enough to help her with such a colossal endeavor, so she turns to God for help.

The project will prove to be an arduous one, during which she will struggle with stubbornness. As she reaches for God’s help, she will gradually understand how to obtain it. Initially, she will study the “Sacraments” so she can better understand them for her thesis. She will go through the motions on Sunday but with a bit more attention to detail. She will ask someone how Catholics read the Bible! As such, she will do so as well—within Sacred Tradition, Sacred Scripture, and the authoritative interpretation of the Magisterium. She will listen! She will read! She will study! She will pray! She will probably schedule to attend Mass during the week so she can speed up her quest.

Well, finally she has more information than possible for seven days of continuous writing. She has so much information that she no longer needs God’s help. She is so brilliant that she no longer asks God for help, as she develops a bit of arrogance. A week passes by then a month then another as she continues with her writing. Then she gets brain lock and becomes stumped. She continues reading Bible verses and chapters as well as documents such as the Catechism of the Catholic Church.

The pressure to do well enough to impress her professor compels her desperation to go back to the church on Sunday to learn more about the subject she’s trying to refute. She figures she is extremely brilliant, but she can no longer write anything profoundly consistent with text she wrote only a month prior. She wants to learn and gather all the information possible for her thesis.

She decides to look-into “the confession thing”. Well, she examines her conscience so she will have something to confess. She goes into the confessional and makes a good Confession; after all, she’s must learn about it all. While she’s in the confessional, she’s alert and trying to take-in every detail for her notes for when she’s done.

She studies her demeanor and disposition. She studies her thoughts and feelings as well as her overall objective—she wants to learn! While stating her sins, she notices that she actually has sorrow for her sins. She starts to discover that the more she offends God, the more distant she feels from God, and the more difficult it is to write on her thesis.

She had done “the confession thing” before, but never had the words “I absolve you from your sins” meant so much.

Once she leaves the confessional, she feels an amazing connection to God and cannot wait to get to her notebook. She has so many thoughts that she can’t write quickly enough to make sense while attempting to transfer the volumes of books she has in her mind on just the one topic of Confession. She starts to talk into a tape-recorder because it’s faster than writing, but still the thoughts are much faster than her speech.

Then she stops in her tracks and understands what’s happening—God is talking to her! God is not talking with words but with concepts within minutes that would take-up volumes of books. Then she starts to recognize the absolute brilliance of God—a great “tutor”.

She decides to crumble up the unintelligible rambling she has written because she simply couldn’t keep-up with her thoughts. She puts down her pen and puts her tape-recorder away and becomes fascinated with the subject of the Sacraments.

The next Sunday, she goes to the church and goes through the motions. She sits, kneels, stands, and does all that stuff that Catholics do, but she’s captivated by “the readings” and the homily. She’s learning far more than she ever thought possible. She recognizes God is actually talking to her through “the readings” (which are a few related excerpts from the Bible focusing on the theme of the day, thus highlighted the entire Bible in a three-year span.) She’s absolutely awestruck! As she listens to the homily, she wonders how in the world the Priest can be so calm while delivering such an extraordinary homily! Then she realizes, just as grace was poured into her after Confession, the man at the pulpit is obviously getting grace poured into him because of the Sacrament of Holy Orders. She realizes that all along she had been so preoccupied in judging the man with that theatrical attire that she never really listened to the Priest. Then she examines her memory…“Wow, I wonder why I had never noticed his gifted ability to deliver such profound homilies!” Rather than wishing for the time to pass as she had before, she wishes it would slow-down, because she’s trying to digest the substantially condensed homily for her notes.

Then the line forms for “that wafer”; she joins in as usual.

Later on in the week, this relationship grows stronger—much stronger; but she can’t quite understand what’s happening to her. Then she realizes what’s happening as she starts to form thoughts for her writing; but she can’t even pick-up the pen because she finally understands something that she has taken for granted all her life. She shakes her head in awe! She realizes “that wafer” wasn’t just a wafer. The physical content of “that wafer” has physiologically become part of her natural existence; and the spiritual content has supernaturally become part of her awareness that the Kingdom of Heaven is in fact at hand! “That wafer” isn’t just something; it is actually someone!

She will soon recognize the most profound homilies come from those who are most humble to place all trust in God’s help. She will also recognize when judging the Priest based on the “theatrical attire” that it hinders her instead from receiving the help from God to understand what is being said. She will soon recognize God’s help is based on each human being’s disposition, and the fact that understanding seems to increase at the precise rate as that of obedience.

After all, she had intended to write a thesis discrediting something far greater than she could have ever, ever, ever imagined. She will soon realize why people usually take the easy route and incompletely leave the Catholic Church and denigrate it with completely shallow commentary as she was about to do! She was about to do some protesting in a doctoral dissertation no less!

She learns that the sinner who humbly reflects on her sins is becoming a saint, and the saint who arrogantly judges others is becoming a sinner. She realizes the Catholic Church is like the song says “where saints and sinners are friends”. Then she realizes the clarity of those statements many Protestants have proclaimed:  “The more I studied Christianity, the less protesting I would do and the more Catholic I became!”

Suddenly, she realizes why more than half of the pews of the Protestant churches are filled with former Catholics. She also understands why EWTN seems to be filled with former non-Catholics. She understands finally that it’s just a matter of genuine interest!

She studies the people who go to Mass: There are people from all walks of life, from every continent. Some are poor, some are rich, some are brown, some are white, some are black, some are pink, some are yellow, some are big, some are little, some are gorgeous, some are homely, some are well-dressed, and some are homeless.

She studies the priests: Some are brilliant, some are humble, some are both brilliant and humble, some have lots of energy, some almost yawn and seem to want to get-it-over-with while rushing through the Mass, some know the Bible, some know the author, some speak from the brain, some speak from the soul, some have the brilliance of a theology professor, some have the humility of a saint.

She further studies the people: Some have profound critiques…some can even accurately correct the most brilliant of priests. Some understand the theme on which they intellectually remark what the priest should have said. Most, however, are amazed and moved by what is said by the pious priest. Many talk about the irreverent laziness of some of the priests. Some are amazed and moved by even the weakest of priests. Some discourage the strongest priests while others encourage the weakest, which profoundly correlates with Moses, Aaron, and Hur in Exodus upon which Aaron and Hur help Moses keep his arms raised.

Susie is awestruck by the wisdom yet the humility seemingly inherent in most priests. Susie recognizes that the profound words and reverence of a strong priest warrant the applause from the people. Some manage to gain something regardless of the weakness in the priest’s piety. This most impresses her…so much that these are the people who warrant applause from Susie!

She studies further. She learns…some who have money use it wisely to do the will of God. Some use it foolishly as power to do the will of man. Some praise God from their intellect. Some praise God from their passions. Some praise God from their will. Some praise God sometimes from all three. Some praise God at all times from all three! She learns that there are some people who talk to God, some who listen to God, some who talk about others, some who turn the other cheek, some who go to improve, some who go to see what they can find wrong. Then she stops writing as she notices “oh no, that’s me!”

She learns that the Catholic Church is like a hospital for the sinner through Confession, and eventually, when she opens her eyes to recognize, it becomes a university for the recovering sinner. It gives hope far surpassing any other degree of happiness!

She recognizes that a Catholic child’s guide and teacher are mommy and daddy. A Catholic child has the ability to know right from wrong. When the child sins, she goes to Confession and the child’s conscience thus safeguards her soul. As the child strives to safeguard her soul by the Sacraments of the Church, the child’s soul matures. A child’s mature soul can experience that which takes most of us over a quarter of a century to grasp:  a sinful soul cannot fully grasp the wisdom that flows through the Priest’s mouth, but a mature soul can. The child thereafter can consider the Priest a professor!

The press labels the Church for the small percentage of those who have engaged in pedophilia. This label is inadequate, incomplete, and only partially true. The press falls much too short with this label, for the Catholic Church also contains those who have engaged in behavior such as murder, robbery, adultery, rape, promiscuity (heterosexual, homosexual, and bisexual), arrogance, lukewarm faith, despair, hatred, greed, laziness, anger, vanity, pride, gluttony, vice with drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, and the list goes on and on. Anything the human being has ever done within the human race good, bad, and indifferent is more accurate a label.

As I see it, the Pope does not adequately represent the Catholic Church…no he guides the Church as a shepherd guides his sheep. It is the lost sinful sheep that most adequately represent the Catholic Church, once we can relate to the “prodigal son” as though the parable is addressed to none other than the elder brother!

The Catholic Church is the easiest to attack for those looking for some dirt because it is just like its name, Catholic, which means universal.

Yep, “the Catholic Church contains someone to represent every kind of man—even the respectable man!” And, “the Catholic Church is the only thing that keeps a sin from being a secret.” How profound is that? Volumes upon volumes of books could be written on that very statement! (G. K. Chesterton, what a brilliant, compassionately wise, yet humble man!) One volume could be written on the destruction of sin; another volume could be written on the freedom after Confession; another volume could be written on the poor Priest who sits in the confessional as a dumpster for our sins!

Thank God for the Priest who hears our confessions! But wow how we mistreat him in return for such cleansing, which is extended from the One he serves. I don’t know of any servant I respect more than the humble Holy Catholic Priest through whose vows of obedience and chastity a wretch like me is fed wisdom and understanding that only increases my faith. I could live without this or that but certainly not without the Priest…not because I like him, but because he loves me more than I have ever loved anyone!

These are the wisest but the humblest of human beings! They are the easiest to target, because these pillars of strength are the reason the universal Catholic Church still stands…not the buildings but the mystical body of Christ—the people (the sinners like me and the not-yet canonized saints like the late JP2 and B16 (the current successor of the first pope—Peter). I think the closest thing to Heaven is the Holy Catholic Priest…one who takes his vows seriously and offers-up all the spits, kicks, and dirty looks in the midst of scandal as one sacrifice with honor for the One he serves—Jesus Christ! I LOVE THE PRIEST! I would kiss the dust on the shoes that carry the persecuted Priest’s humble soul!

If someone were to spit on you, what would you do? Yeah me too! But do you know what the Priest would do? He would pray for us, so that we will one day understand and humbly go to a confessional for Confession through which God pours grace like the Niagara Falls!

The Priest is just standing in for Jesus. The High Priest is Jesus. He uses such awesome parables, not just as catchy lines of philosophy but also as amazing words of such depth that can make me ponder for hours in awe!

For example, “the Kingdom of God is like a field; and the field is like tares and wheat.” I certainly did not know that a tare was a weed that looked like wheat back then; and they couldn’t tell until it was fully grown as to whether it would be a weed they’d have to pull or if it would provide wheat. Well, the Catholic Church has both tares and wheat—sinners and saints. (I did know that one! I have always been a sinner, but the saints amaze me. They give me hope because they were not always saints!) One doesn’t know whether the saint will end up a sinner or the sinner will end up a saint.

Saint Augustine tells of a group who thought the Church should be perfect and pure, and if there’s any bad in the Church we should “cut-them-off” from the Church and start a new one. This group was breaking away from the Church and forming their own church because they felt that the Church wasn’t pure enough. Well, there will always be sinners; there will always be scandal. This is the mystery of the kingdom until time gives way to eternity.

I agree! That’s why reformation is always good, like the Council of Trent and the Second Vatican Council. I would like to have been a “fly on the wall” at those councils, but since I could not, I’d like to study the documents. I’d like to learn the process and what was reformed…certainly not the doctrine passed on to us by Jesus through the Apostles; otherwise it would not be worth the paper on which it is written!

2000 years ago, Jesus Christ founded the Church. There was no such thing as a denomination until five hundred years ago; today, there are some 60,000.

People leave the Catholic Church either because of scandal within the last five centuries or because of the high standards; some of us (like me for most of my life) think the standards are not low enough…but the number one reason people leave the Catholic Church is simply because they don’t understand the super abundance of grace derived from each of the Sacraments. This understanding does not come from intellectual strength; it comes from one’s obedient disposition to receive God’s grace from the Sacraments. There is no greater paradox than the method God uses to give the human being such understanding. In the secular world, the greedy one gets the most, but in the spiritual, the humble one gets the most.

Yesterday, I thought about a rhetorical question the priest asked: “What if Jesus was scheduled to come-over to your place at 5:00 this evening? (He was referring to The Second Coming.) What would you do? Would you be ready for him? Would you remove some things from your apartment? What would you do?”

He asked in such a way that people actually answered with chattered comments such as: I would dust! I would clean the toilet! I’d go to Confession! I’d prepare a nice meal for him! I would write a list of questions!

Well, being competitive and one who likes to give the best answer, I wanted to “show them” by saying, “Well, he is about to in ten minutes or so in the Eucharist!” but fortunately I kept my mouth shut! As I drove home after Mass, I thought how profound my brilliant response would have been, so I turned back and made my way to ask the receptionist if I could have a minute with the priest.

Well, he agreed to see me, and I gave him my brilliant response. He humbly said, “Well, I should have made it clearer that I meant The Second Coming!”

The priest likely has no shortage of people who go in to correct him on this or that simply because we wish to show him, others, or our ego how much “understanding” we have! For a few minutes, I felt as an equal to Saint Thomas Aquinas, but my self-righteous attitude caused me to feel weak because I deliberately failed to understand his point so as to appear superior to this humble, compassionate human being.

The priest loves me as much as my mom loves me. My mom has done so very much for me but she can only do so much. The priest has done so very much for me but he can only do so much. The priest cannot carry me for nine months but he can carry my sins in his scars. Nobody knows my sins but everybody knows the priests’.

My mom would puke if she heard my Confession; but the priest would welcome me to puke my Confession to him. Our confessions are carried by most priests as their wounds smudged onto the press for all to laugh and ridicule them. A priest by the name of Padre Pio heard confessions sometimes for ten straight hours. He and Francis of Assisi were visibly such “receptacles” for our wounds.

But you know, the more ridicule the priest endures, the more painful of course and the more lonely, but that is precisely the point upon which priests experience the closest bond with God. The Beatitudes are not only high standards for priests but for anyone who wants a close bond with God!

The Catholic Church has a treasure that is quite amazing—seven Sacraments:  Baptism, Confirmation, Reconciliation (Penance), Holy Eucharist, Matrimony, Holy Orders, and Anointing of the Sick. Yep, a Sacrament is initially like an empty container patiently waiting to be filled with God’s Amazing Grace. That's what is really going on!